Monday, April 25, 2005

Feminine vs. Nurturing

Of all the European countries, the "Netherlands is the most feminine with a masculinity index of 14/100" is a phrase thrown about by the educated elite. I've seen male college educators talk about the Netherlands, while trapped in an oppressive masculine country, as if it was the promised land.

I'd like to raise two points:
1) The lack of masculinity doesn’t necessarily mean feminine.
2) If there is a link between being feminine and the prevalent euthanasia movement, what happened to the feminine trait of ‘nurturing’?

I think this ties into some of Vox's stances. Especially, what I think the answer to #2 is.

When I started this blog I didn't plan to write anything I'd have to support with facts and data. On topics such as this, the ice seems to be over some deep water. I think I need to pause and collect some data, before I head out on the thin ice.

I had a Dream...

Many years ago, long before the Oceans drank Atlantis I ever wanted kids, I would be inconvenienced by proud parents and their incessant offers of "Do you want to hold the baby?" It was at this time that I had a dream that disturbed me greatly.

I never wanted to hold a baby, little more feed one, clean one, or be puked on by one. I value my sleep and didn't want anything to interfere with it. I was never one to play with dolls, inanimate or animated (now action figures are something totally different!)? If they wanted the baby, they can hold it.

There was a neighbor I had in Colorado who was a successful entrepreneur and heir to some cool toys. He had a specialized tools to do things unimaginable. He and his wife had a tactic that defeated me every time. He would stop by as I was working on a project and tell me that there was an easier way to do it with a tool that he had and that he'd be happy to loan me the tool and show me how to use it.

Minutes later he'd return with something that ran off of 220, explosive charges, or had a really big flame, and his wife and baby daughter. The deal was that I had to hold Emily before I could borrow the tool.

Emily had the biggest blue eyes and always smiled when she saw me. She'd watch me in my yard when I worked in the driveway or outside, smiling the whole time. OK, so maybe she was in on it also.

I'd end up holding her, not feeling comfortable at all. I don't think holding a baby is a natural thing for a man, especially a single man, to do. At least holding someone else’s baby. They seem so fragile with their wobbly heads and spindly little necks. I was never sure if I was holding her in a safe and proper manner.

It's not that I didn't care about her or other children.

Months earlier, from the pound, I picked up a puppy. He looked to be 1/2 German Shepherd and 1/2 Akita. Shortly after reaching adulthood, he snapped, without provocation (I know, I saw it) at the hand of another friends 8 year old daughter. I was very surprised, I had never seen unwarranted aggression in this dog.

Later that day, I was home and talking to my neighbor. I mentioned to him my dogs aggressiveness. He told me that anytime he sees Emily, he snarls at her. The threat was gone that evening. It was hard, but no where near as hard as a possible maiming.

I care about kids, I just prefer to mind my own business while doing it.

In my dream I was sitting in a couch at a party. Normally I don't sit. I feel vulnerable sitting and besides, most furniture is made for the 5-95 percentile and doesn't fit me (the same goes for cars). I'd rather be up, walking around, and watching people.

As they are wont to do, some woman walking by put a baby on my chest. InstinctivelyOut of reflex, I cradled it with my arms and before I could hand it back, she walked away. I wasn't drinking in this dream (I don't think I've ever drank in a dream).

Doing my best impersonation of George, I managed to have the babies head roll at an impossible angle while trying to sit up and support it more. The party went on, no one noticed the small head lolling on a little green and yellow striped shirt except me. It seemed to take a long time for the tiny corpse to turn blue and cold, but not long enough for anyone to notice. Certainly not long enough for me to come up with an explanation of what happened to placate the mother when she returned.

I sat there and waited for the mother to return or for someone to notice.

In this dream I ended up shoving the baby down between the cushions before I got up and walked out of the party and out of my dream. No one noticed.

Accidentally killing a baby was by far the most disturbing part, hiding the act disturbed me since I try to be accountable, and the fact that no one cared or noticed was somewhat disturbing.

While I knew it was a dream, it still disturbed me. My dream medias range from 30 year old 8mm B&W film to holodeck excursions. This dream was holodeck lucid and while I knew it was a dream, it’s vivid images and feelings haunted me. Any apprehension I had about holding babies was only magnified.

It took 12-18 months, maybe less, of having our son, for me to feel confident/capable to taking care of him.

It's strange how the mind works.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Image Test

Can you see the image below?

Can you see the image above?

Can you see the second image above?

How Insecure Can a XY Chromosome Bearing Entity Be?

Yesterday I had to drive across town to visit with a client. On this short drive I scanned the am dial and settled on listening to Dr. Laura Schlessinger. The caller's topic was her fiance(?)/boyfriends jealousy of her child.

For reasons soon to become apparent, I refuse to call the male reference in the phone call a man.

It seems that the XY bearing entity had asked his girlfriend/fiance(?) who would she save first in a disaster, him or her child. He wanted to be more important in her life than her child.

I understand that a new Alpha male gorilla will kill all offspring that are not his, but we are not talking savage animals here, or are we?

If I was single and involved with a woman with children, and I felt the need to ask her this question, I would hope that she would blurt out "My child!" without thinking about it, pause to reconsider her answer then say "my child, of course." Any response less than a selfless love for her child should be a big warning sign on her ability to love selflessly.

First Award Issued

I'd like to take this moment to publically recognize Bane as the first poster on this site. It was the savage thrusting of the letters on his keyboard that ruptured the digital hymen and forever soiled the reputation of this blog.

The commenting upgrade to Haloscan ate all the prior comments and failing to heed wise council, I hadn't backed them up. The proof of Bane's First posting is gone, but it was there.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

There is a HUGE difference

I'm young enough that the only clear memories of the Vietnam War is wanting (and getting) some POW/MIA bumper stickers my older sister had. I've seen so much film footage, fictional and non-finctional, on tv and in the theaters, I don't know if I remember any newsbroadcasts of the war. I fully expect that my parents shielded me from all of that.

Having the unmost respect for those who served and a strong measure of hostile contempt for communism, especially agressive communism, for it has delivered an incredible amount of misery around the world, I can't help but have strong opinions for Jane Fonda, aka Hanoi Jane.

So when I read articles such as this, a part of me takes joy and can understand the emotions that drive this man.

I would also like to point out that there is big difference between regretting the picture and regretting performing the act. I bet Jane regrets the picture in the same manner that Slick Willie regrettes the Blue Dress. "The act was fun, I'd do it again, just don't let the wrong people know"is not the attitude of an adult with regret.

Musical Genuis

While he wrote hits for the likes of Eric Clapton and others, I think Warren Zevon kept his best songs for himself.

I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

If at first you don't succeed, try try again.

It is easier to add Haloscan the second time. Not only is it easier, but it works.

And for Nate, should he visit:
If at first you don't secede, try try again.

Technology Bone

I think I must qualify as a writer, according to the O.C., since I have an abundance of ideas of what to write about. I also have opinions, some robust enough that I would drive a truck across them if they were the ice on a lake, others flimsy enough that I plan to toss them to the dogs of the blogscape and see how they fare. Some will, undoubtably, be ripped to shreds, others will thrive here, like a certain Cimmerian in the fighting pits of his youth.

I plan to address a certain opinion of mine that has been the topic of some debate. I feel that I need to make clear three things. One, that it is merely my opinion, and two, that I am not passing judgement, and lastly, I understand that not everyone agrees with it. But I don't have the time to do that now.

I also plan to deliver a story here that has been rolling around my head. It's orbit has apogees and perigees in my conscious and subconscious mind. Each time I examine it, it is more complete. It's like watching a Borg cube form, but without the menace. I think chapter, by chapter, is the best way to do it, but I want to outline it so it flows and I don't miss anything vital.

Publically stating that I'm going to tell this story is one step in holding my self accountable. Please feel free to mention it if I seem to be slacking.

Lastly, so you do find something entertaining on your visit here (I'm trying to build a reputation) I toss you this bone.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

What Happened to the "Promise of Safety"??

Didn't Bin Laden promise not to attack any state that voted against Bush?

Shouldn't New York be safe from something like this?

Go rent the Wind and the Lion for an accurate insight into the workings of the Muslim mind. Or go rent it if you like Sean Connery or want to see a young Candice Bergen.

I have two thoughts about the terrorist threat. They are:
1) It will be carried out simply because 'It is the will of Allah' or
2) The U.S. is viewed (by people who don't know us) as a soft country that will quit if hit hard enough. Obviously, 9-11 was not a hard enough hit to make us fold up and quit. Their next plan is to hit us harder, hard enough to make us quit (or convert).